A WIFELY ADVICE FROM MOM


MOM


She was with her mom, plucking maize from the cob. They were preparing to cook githeri.

She is married, and so is her mother.

They were having a mother - daughter time.

"Mom, you and dad have stayed happily married. What's your secret?" She asked her mother.

"That there is the first step. The desire to be a good wife. Many women, because they are told that the man is the head of the home, they relax and wait for the man to mould and direct the marriage. That mentality makes many women become complaining wives judging a husband's performance. Then when things get tough and such wives desperately try to finally start being pro active, the damage in their marriage is done. Leading your marriage is not the role of your husband alone, together be involved" said the mother.

"OK if my husband fails me?" She asked her mother.

The mother looked at her saying, "Men are human. They can let us down just as we can let them down. Often we women think either we can do no wrong or think our wrongs are little compared to men. Men have been blamed for so many wrongs. That's why when you appreciate the good your husband does, it encourages him to do better. He is not a child, so you mustn't order him; he is a man, you have the power to inspire him" the mother answered.

"But how, how do I inspire him?" She asked.

"Respect him. Men love to be respected. Respect is shown by your tone of voice and facial expression towards him. If he forgets to do something, don't make a big deal out of it. The world won't come to an end. Don't dwell on an issue, think of the bigger picture. Tell him he is great. In your confronting of what he does wrong or doesn't do right, wrap it with words of praise. A mature man doesn't mind being corrected as long as the correction is done with love. Men love it when we women look out for them by alerting them where they go wrong and help them to be better. Remember as a woman, you have the gift of nurturing" the mom added.

"Women do this, women do that. Why is it always what women have to do?" She asked her mom.

"Well, you did say you desire to be a good wife. Being a good wife means putting work and effort. A good marriage just doesn't happen. We women are at the core of it. Remember it was your womanhood that attracted him to propose to you for marriage, your womanhood will motivate him to be a great husband. You have so much power. A foolish woman destroys her own home, a wise one builds it. You play your part, he plays his. This is your home. You are responsible for it. We women don't like failure. Don't fail your marriage" the mother told her.

"I hear you mom. When I get angry, I give him silent treatment. To show him he has done wrong. Is that right?" She asked.

"That's where we women go wrong. We focus so much on showing that we have been wronged by an issue, rather than solving the issue. Which is more important?" Her mother asked.

"Solving the issue" said she.

"Exactly. And silent treatment doesn't help. Be accessible and within reach. The more you entertain a lengthy period of awkward silence between you two, the more you normalize distance and you two drift apart" said the mother.

"I wouldn't want that, he annoys me sometimes though. Especially when we argue" said she.

"When you two are arguing. Don't return back the argument. Speak to him a prayer and let him hear it. Change the conversation and tell him how much you love him. Say the words of the Grace or recite our Lord's prayer. Play calming or worship music in the house. The medicine for an angry spirit is calmness and love. A man cannot fight that medicine when it comes from the woman he loves" advised the mother.

"Do you always feel like doing these things?" She asked.

Her mother rubbed her back and said, "My daughter, love is not about feelings. You will not always have feelings of love, just like you will not always be in the mood for sex. Love is much deeper than that. Love is a commitment, offering security and stability. Love is being reliable. Remember Jesus when He was about to be crucified, he didn't feel like it. He wished if the cup could be taken away but in the end he chose to walk the rough road out of his love for us. He knew why he was doing it. When you are a mother, sometimes you don't feel like waking up at night to address the needs of your child but you still do. Same applies with your husband. Love him"

"Do you feel like passing me the sufuria?" She asked a mother.

Her mother laughed. Picked up the sufuria and handed it over saying, "You have really grown my daughter. I remember the days you'd be so stubborn and now look at you all grown-up as a mother and a wife"

"I wish I can be half the woman you are" she told her mother.

Her mother said, "Don't say that. Don't try to be like me. I am a good wife to your father in my own way, be a good wife to your husband in your way"

The two hugged.

"Thank you mom. I love you" she said.

"I love you too" said her mother


Source: © Dayan Masinde and Akello Oliech
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