To me, old-school love means treating people with respect and dignity. It means not taking advantage of someone on the first date. It means not even expecting a first kiss.
Old school love is patient and slow. It is never rushed to go to the finish line. It is never dirty.
I want a love that revolves around conversation. I want to talk to someone for hours on end, face to face, and do not have the distraction of a phone or a laptop. I want to laugh, until my stomach hurts, and make my date laugh even harder. I want that old-school type of love that doesn’t need technology to fall in love. I want to find someone who just wants to simply converse with me. And I want to find someone who loves doing that too.
I want a love that is patient. I don’t want to date a guy who expects to sleep with me on the first date, or the third date. I want a love that recognizes respect as the foundation of a trusting and beautiful bond. I want to meet someone who doesn’t even ask. And who puts that in my hands without judgement or urgency. I want the old-school kind of love that takes sex seriously.
I want a love that is honest.
I don’t want a guy who doesn’t listen to what I have to say. I don’t want to date a guy who only talks about himself. I want to meet someone who will let me know how he is feeling, when he is feeling. I need someone who will me the truth even if it is hard to do. And I want him to say it to my face instead of through a screen.
I don’t care if he tags me in his “WCW” Instagram post. I don’t care if he professes his love to me on Twitter or Facebook. Truth be told, that means nothing to me.
I care about things happening in real-time to real people. And I want to find someone who wants that too.
I want the kind of love that isn’t wrapped up in everybody else. With so many distractions in this world, it is so easy to forget about the most important things in life. I want someone who will silence his phone when he goes on a date with me. I want someone who will actually look at me when I talk to him. And I want the kind of love that is precious because I know it is real.
Maybe in this day and age, it’s too much to ask for. And maybe it’s too much to hope for. But, I’ll keep on dreaming of a old-school love. No matter what they all say.
Here are 10 reasons why old-school love wins – and you always seem to be losing.
1. Old School Love
sets a standard
The standards you set
for what you will (or won’t) accept in a relationship are perhaps the most
important aspect of getting what you want. These are things that we often
develop overtime after having negative experiences, but teach and prepare us
for a positive experience.
If you haven’t yet defined what you do – and don’t – want in a relationship, take some time to make a list. It’s easy to slip into a pattern of paying attention to whoever pays attention to you in return, without figuring out whether or not they are really good for you before you commit.
You are not obligated to give anyone your time, attention, heart, or body. Stop giving these things to people who don’t deserve them.
2. Old School Love
is about putting in the work
Let’s face it – the
concept of dating has been beaten into submission by ‘Netflix n’ Chill’ and
‘Hey, wanna hang out?’ texts. The idea of actually putting in time and effort
to court a woman has completely gone by the wayside.
How many men put in
the effort to make sure they walk on the street-side of the sidewalk? When was
the last time a man pulled out your chair, or held your coat on a date? These
basic acts of courtesy are disappointingly rare.
Men have no idea how
to properly pursue women or make them feel valued, and women have no idea how
to respond when a man does put in this type of effort. There are no set
expectations because everyone is running around making things up as they go
along.
The double-edged sword
about this is that if women continue accepting a lower level of effort, then
men will continue doing it. Why would they step up, if they’re getting what
they want and trying less?
3. Old School Love
comes unfiltered
Don’t get me wrong, I
put Valencia or Hudson on my Instagram photos just as much as the next person,
but the image-centric world we’re living in has taught us to believe that
what’s on the surface is a priority.
How far from the truth
that is.
Our society is so hung
up on creating a life that looks good on the outside, that we’ve lost sight of
what it means to create one that feels good on the inside. Let’s compare: Would
you rather have someone who looks great in your selfies, or someone who will
stand by your side and support you when a family member gets an illness?
Someone whose Tom Ford suit or Louboutins make them look red-carpet ready, or someone who will come home with your favorite food when you’ve had a rough day?
My grandmother always said: Don’t fall for someone’s hair, teeth, or money –
because they can lose all of it. Their good heart will always remain.
4. Old School Love
lets men be men, and women be women
To the women – we
know, you’re independent. You can do it yourself. You can pay your own bills.
You can buy your own drinks. There is a time for a man to respect a woman’s
independence, and a time for him to be a man and work to take care of her.
Men have to step up
and do it, and women have to understand it doesn’t take away from her strength.
We have become so
individualized that we need to constantly prove ourselves to other people, and
we see being supported as a weakness. I’d argue that the real weakness is
closing yourself off to allowing anyone to do anything for you – and – it hurts
our relationships.
People who care about
you want to contribute and add value to your life. They want to make you feel
special, and important. And most of all, they want to feel this from you in
return. A great relationship is two people who remain individual but also come
together as one. You can have both.
5. Old School Love
puts down the phone and picks up her hand
When was the last time
you sat down without your phone and had a deep, meaningful conversation about
your passions? Your dreams. Your aspirations. What drives you. I mean, are
aliens real?!
When was the last time
you felt that high school type of love? That youthful, genuine excitement that
comes from actually connecting with a person? Do you even remember what it was
like to fall asleep with someone else on the other end of the phone (that was
probably attached to the wall?)
Our communication is
like our attraction – on the surface. Perhaps you do this because you don’t
want to disagree or find conflict with another person. I’d argue that finding
conflicts can be a good thing. It allows you to work through an issue with
someone, hear their viewpoint, and grow together.
Perhaps you avoid
conflict because that’d just be too uncomfortable and take you out of your safe
space. Or, perhaps you do it because you’ve just forgotten (or not learned) how
to actually work together to reach a common conclusion. You shouldn’t have to
argue if you can converse.
One thing is for sure:
Effective communication is the backbone of any healthy relationship. Without
your partner knowing your wants, needs, and desires; they’ll never be able to
give them to you.
6. Old School Love
gives a fresh start
We have all been hurt
in the past and made decisions we regret. The good news is, though, that every
new relationship is a chance to start again with a person you’ve never met
before. Each new man or woman is a new path in life with endless possibilities.
But then you start to
think – you’ve been hurt, disappointed, lied to, cheated on. It’s just easier
to assume that everyone is going to be the same, anyway.
Stop it. Stop it right now. If you approach a new relationship under the assumption that he is going to tell you he’s at home when he’s really out with his friends (like your ex did), or that she’s “just friends” with that guy she’s actually sleeping with (like your ex did) – you will automatically seek out and find flaws that reinforce your suspicions.
You will pick apart
little tiny things they do, and say to yourself: “See! I knew he/she was just
like the rest.”
Be honest with
yourself: When you start dating someone new, are you really giving them a fair,
honest chance to show you who they are? Or are you going into it with
preconceived notions that you’ve fabricated in your mind? Not everyone lies,
not everyone cheats, and not everyone will disappoint you. You just need to
give them a chance.
7. Old School Love
pays attention to the details
Great relationships
are not about give and take, they’re about give and give. Putting in effort for
the person you love. The “I got this because it reminded me of you” effort. The
“don’t worry, I’ll stay up and help you study” effort. The “I planned a weekend
away so we can be alone” effort.
The type of effort
that makes the person you’re dating feel like she’s the Amal to your George.
Like he’s the Legend to your Teigen. The most important person in your life.
Like you value, love, honor, and respect them.
But, why would you?
Someone better might come along the next time you swipe right.
This type of mindset
is what’s keeping us from fully committing to each other. That, paired with the
ideology that things should be easy and just come our way. We shouldn’t have to
put all that effort in, because we deserve for it to just…happen. We are nice,
and kind, and friendly – so we deserve the reward of another person in our
life, don’t we?
Being in a
relationship is a privilege, not a right. And, it’s a privilege both people
have to work to maintain.
8. Old School Love
makes you feel safe and secure
I don’t mean just
physical safety – but emotional safety. Do you feel completely safe opening up
to the person you’re dating? Have you told them about how your confidence
suffers from being bullied as a child? Have you told them about how family
gatherings are awkward because your aunt cheated on your uncle? How about the
fact that they shouldn’t take it personal if you need to be alone for a day or
two?
Do you feel safe being
completely naked with them? I don’t mean literally naked – we all know that’s
easy these days. I mean being mentally and emotionally naked. Completely
exposed. This is what true intimacy is.
If we don’t take the
time to make the person we’re with feel completely safe and secure with us,
then we will never be able to form a deep, meaningful bond with the person who
they truly are, at their very core – because we will never really see him or
her. The best compliment you can give someone is that you feel safe with them.
If you can’t sleep soundly beside someone at night, nothing else matters.
9. Old School Love doesn’t need an audience
A relationship is
between two people, not between two people and their 10,000 Instagram
followers. Much like how wealthy people don’t need to tell you they’re wealthy,
people who are in love don’t need to advertise it to everyone they know in
order to prove it.
Old school love is
perfectly happy feeling its own warmth. It is secure and confident in its own
universe and it doesn’t need to prove itself to anyone. Sure, photos are a
great way to create and reflect on memories together, but there is a difference
between documenting your love, and trying to justify your love to an audience.
10. Old School Love
fixes what’s broken
When you own a house,
and a lightbulb goes out, what do you do? You fix the lightbulb, right? You
don’t sell the entire house and walk away from it.
The same goes for
relationships. These days, we are finding one small thing that’s wrong, and
giving up the entire relationship. We are void of forgiveness – everyone makes
mistakes and nobody is perfect (including you). Old school love gives another
chance. It prioritizes the relationship.
People are losing
sight of what it’s like to actually commit and work through issues together, as
a team. No relationship is always sunshine and rainbows. There are challenges,
failures, roadblocks, speedbumps. And, broken lightbulbs.
Of course, if something simply cannot be fixed, or if someone is abusive towards you in any way whatsoever, this is a completely different discussion and you should walk away immediately. I’m talking about challenges that can be overcome – if only we would try a little harder.
PLEASE, GIVE ME THAT OLD-SCHOOL LOVE!!
Reach out to us—we are happy to hear from you!
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