IS IT OKAY TO GET PREGNANT BEFORE MARRIAGE?


Pregnant couple

In societies where marriage is non-existent, this statement is irrelevant. People stack up, shack up and rack up at will. Whenever they have the urge they merge and produce babies out of wedlock.

To them there is no big deal in making the decision to have kids. The answer lies between their legs. They just live together with no commitments or strings attached. The common escape clause is "... marriage is just a piece of paper..."

On the other hand, people in societies that value the sanctity of marriage sometimes are torn between the decisions whether the bride should get pregnant before the wedding day or not. Often, both families are committed to the wedding and the likelihood of the wedding falling through is remote.

Indecision like this sometimes arises because some traditions require the bride to be pregnant before marriage to prove her fertility and ability to raise children. The bride could be a virgin, but traditions require she becomes pregnant to fulfill the rites. The ever increasing rate of pre-marital sex and abortions cast doubt on the fertility of ladies and the potency of the men. Hence the litmus test regardless of medical examination is for the intended bride to be impregnated by the groom.

There is pressure from parents in need of grandchildren. There are situations where the parents have strong hold on their children. To their children, it's their utmost desire to please them as an act of respect.

Others get pregnant to hasten the marriage process. Perhaps you have been in a relationship for what seems like ages, you are both committed to the relationship but he hasn't proposed or said anything about getting married. As each day goes by, you feel you are getting older and your patience is running out. Breaking up and contemplating another relationship is out of the question.

It is very easy to conclude that anyone caught in this dilemma is not a Christian, born again or knows the bible. But it is often not the case. The unbeliever or non-Christian without any religious inclination or moral values does not have this problem. He or she just goes ahead without any inhibitions to the applause and commendation of others.

As a Christian when faced with a situation like this, what should we do?


The bible is clear on fornication, so the answer is not to concede to the pressure or act on these thoughts when they come. Though the answer is straight forward and clear, the situation doesn't just vanish overnight. The decision to abstain from sex until marriage needs to be followed through and steps taken to ensure one does not concede. It can be a trying moment especially for ladies but it won't last for long.

Sometimes we feel very isolated or believe our situation is an isolated case, but the truth is that it isn't. It is very possible that there are a thousand and one individuals in exactly the same situation but the 'holy art thou' attitude help shield our troubled souls. Your maturity and how much of the bible you know would determine your cause of action. But here are a few suggestions depending on where the pressure is coming from:

Phone-a-friend. Find a trustworthy friend you can talk to and share your heart, one who would not despise your thought or try to cast out demons from you. If you are in a bible believing church, seek out one of the elders you can share you burden with and receive godly counsel.

It might not be as easy as walking out of the relationship if the pressure is from your fiancé. He may be passing though a hard time and under pressure. He might need help and counsel as well. You would be in a better position to help him by speaking to 'the friend' to give him godly counsel.

A simple medical examination to ascertain your fertility and potency could take off the pressure and restore confidence. It is advisable however, that you take a test before getting married, pressure or no pressure.

If the pressure is from parents, confronting them and quoting bible passages may not be the best way to go about it. What would probably work out better is you lie low for a while, pray and trust God to change their hearts to accept your decisions even if they don't agree. It would be ideal to marry with the blessings of your parents even if they are not Christians. Running off and getting married on an island won't do the trick.

In the case where you mind is playing games on you, you may need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your fiancé and let him know your concerns. You don't want to be engaged for 10 years still waiting to get married. Talk things out and if the situation doesn't improve revert to phone-a-friend.

Don't underestimate the power of prayers. Whatever steps you take you must seek God's face and guidance. Study the bible and find scriptures about your situation and stand on them. Confess them daily and let them be a part of you. Be in the midst of godly people that would encourage you and build your faith.
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