Why Marriage Conflicts Are Inevitable

Couple talking
Have you ever had a disagreement or misunderstanding with your spouse? If your answer is yes, then welcome to the real world! Between the sheets conflict is inevitable, even the best marriages experience conflict. The key to success in marriage is how partners resolve their conflicts and differences. It is important to remember that if the conflict is unresolved, that the good aspects of a marriage usually diminish. Although some conflict is unavoidable, it is critical for spouses to manage their differences in constructive ways in order for the marriage to be healthy.

We all go into marriage with certain expectations; we romanticize marriage and become disillusioned once those romantic expectations aren’t met. Unmet expectations are a major source of conflict in marriages. Most couples enter marriage believing that they will never fight over anything because they love each other. But the truth is that any two individuals placed together for whatever reasons will at one time or another experience conflict of one kind or another simply because they have different temperaments, personalities and come from different backgrounds and experiences. Besides, they may enter into the relationship with varying expectations.

Marital conflict is not necessarily a bad thing. Conflict can help one partner get to know the other better. It can help them know one another’s likes and dislikes, and that way know what behavior or actions to avoid in the future. Handled properly, conflict can be of great benefit in promoting growth and greater closeness in a relationship. However, if the conflict is mismanaged, it can destroy the relationship no matter how intimate the couple is.

The initial excitement of marriage does in time give way to responsibilities. With children to raise up, mortgage repayments and other bills pay, stress is bound to build up, eating away the energy that previously maintained the flare of romance in the relationship. As frustrations increase, misunderstandings will occur, leading to tension and conflicts. Conflicts also arise with the adjustment of the relationship with significant others family members, insecurities, and career demands.

Unfortunately, many marriage agreements are often implied rather than clearly expressed. Couples often assume that their partner will figure out what they need and respond accordingly. When their expectations are not met, as is often the case, disappointment and mistrust result. It is important to clearly express your expectations, not only to your spouse but to your entire household. People need to know what you expect of them; it is the only way they can tell whether or not they are not living up to your expectations. Whenever you choose to see yourself as the offended party ask yourself whether or not you have been able to clearly define your needs. You cannot measure performance if there is no defined rating or stated expectation.

Some tip;

Always try to stay calm regardless of the conflict. It is not easy to deal with the challenge when you are emotional and angry. Reduce your emotional reactions and formulate your thoughts and feelings into clear nonthreatening “I statements.” I feel...

Also, pick your battles wisely. Not every battle is worth fighting over; there are conflicts that can be avoided. Deal with the issues at hand and avoid bringing up the past.

Acknowledge your selfish desires and always have your partner’s interest at heart.

Communicate clearly and specifically about your requirements, needs, and desires all the time.

Remember you are fighting with a friend and not an enemy. Apply some compassion and tenderness even in the midst of the conflict.
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