I’m sure my husband will read this at some point. I just don’t give a shit!


My husband was arrested for trying to sleep with a prostitute.

I decided not to use an anonymous name because this is what I’m going through right now. I don’t see a need to hide myself. I’m sure H will read this at some point. I just don’t give a shit.

WARNING: I have a lot to get off my chest. I’m also not very good at formatting. Please try to keep the grammar police at bay.

On April 19th, my husband and a prostitute were arrested during a prostitution and bars crackdown. I learned he was in jail while I was calling hospitals trying to find him because I knew something was wrong. I saw that he had been home because he brought me flowers, but I hadn’t heard from him. The person who called me and told me he was in jail wasn’t calling me to let me know he was in jail, he was calling to verify information so that the husband could be released on his own recognizance. I asked him why H had been arrested, and he said: “lewd acts” which could be anything from pissing in public to something sexual. Ok… At that point, I still gave H the benefit of the doubt and planned on picking him up in a couple of hours from jail. I knew he was safe, so I went over to a friend’s house for a beer and to relax before I had to pick H up. The idea of “lewd acts” kept bothering me, and I decided to see if there was more information about the arrest online. That’s when I saw exactly what he was arrested for, and my heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest. Needless to say, I did not pick H up from jail.

Before you ask, yes, I did get an STD and HIV test. It was negative. I have to go back and get another HIV test soon just to be sure.

H called me the next morning because he needed contact information or something like that. He told me that he was guilty of what he had been arrested. He was mean. I told him not to come home, and his response was, “This is going to sound mean, but I DO pay the rent.” I’m a full-time university student right now and he supposedly supported me in my endeavors. It was very apparent to me that he thought his financial contributions outweighed any of my contributions to our almost 4-year relationship. I found an apartment the day after he was arrested and began the process of terminating our relationship. (Just for the record, I gave up TWO careers because I chose to be with him. I don’t regret it because I thought I was making the right decision at the time.)

Our sex life wasn’t good. I’ll just throw that out there. Over the years, I found myself less and less sexually attracted to him. It had to do with his CONSTANT negative self-talk, lack of ambition or goals, and the fact that sex was just plain boring. To come from a kinky lifestyle to a very repetitious, boring, monotonous sex life was very trying on me. He wanted more sex than I wanted to give. At some point, faking attraction gets difficult. I attended counseling for my lack of attraction and told him that I was working on things. It wasn’t just bullshit. I was working on being more affectionate to him. I even suggested at one point that we open up the marriage. He flipped. Now I understand that he was ok with it being open for him, but not for me. (Fast forward a month, and I realized that my sex drive is VERY healthy. I fucking love sex. I guess I just didn’t love it with him.) I was willing to work on myself because I loved this man and wanted to be a good wife to him. Other than the sex, I thought everything was great in our relationship.

When H finally came home (before I moved out), he told me a story of what he said happened. He said he was at a bar watching soccer when a woman came up to him and propositioned him. He said he felt “wanted” and didn’t think about me. He cried. I cried. His story didn’t sit well with me, so I got a copy of the police report. Bullshit. His story was complete and utter bullshit. He planned the meeting through text message THE DAY BEFORE he was arrested. Remember those flowers he bought me? Yeah, he bought those right before he went to fuck a prostitute. He would regularly get me flowers. He bought me chocolates the week before he was arrested. When I confronted him about his lies, he said that he was a compulsive liar. He lies just to lie. I had no clue. My friends and family had no clue. We all thought H was a great guy who treated me like a queen. He said this was his first time going to see a prostitute, but I can’t/won’t/don’t believe him. He’s already proven himself to be a liar.

I look back on our relationship, and I can’t see any signs that this was going on. There’s nothing there. The only thing I can think of is that he is a trained liar. That is his job. (I’m not being figurative, that’s legitimately what he does for a living.) He gets people to think that he is on their side. He sure had me fooled. This man deserves an Oscar for his wonderful, believable performance of loving, caring, well-adjusted husband.

Last week I changed my WhatsApp status. My status says that I’m looking for activity partners, friends, or short-term relationships. The next day, I saw that H visited my profile. He already had a profile up on Facebook looking for casual sex. We’ve been split up for a little over a month, and he’s already looking to get his dick wet. Lovely.

There’s more to this story, but I’ve already written way too much. I’ll just end it here. I’m happy this happened now instead of happening later on when children might be involved. I’m scared/nervous/excited about my future. It’s been a while since I’ve been alone, and I can go anywhere and do anything. The possibilities are endless.

This will probably get buried. I don’t care. I just had to get this off my chest.
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