Black woman

When you hear the word “Marriage”, you’re likely to think of storybook weddings, a man, his lovely wife and beautiful kids.

So it isn’t surprising that people are hit with a respectable dose of shock when they hear a woman say she’d rather remain unmarried than married. After the shock hits, a lot of these people tend to jump into one conclusion; she’s a slut.

This makes sense right? She’s a hop-about, can’t be satisfied by one man and getting married will make it harder to see other men and if there’s some morality left in her compass, prevent her totally.

I used to be one of these people until a friend of mine that I had teased about waiting too long to catch the “Mrs. Fever” that was going around her female friends straight up told me she wished she never does. Having known her for quite a while and knowing that the slut label wouldn’t stick to her, I was forced to ask why. She simply said it was because she wanted to continue enjoying the best part of her relationship. She didn’t want to take the risk of changing her boyfriend’s marriage status and change his attitude towards her with it. Although, I did try to bring her back to the side of the women who can’t wait to say “I Do” and start a family, I couldn’t help but agree with her. The best part of most relationships die immediately after marriage.

The part of the relationship before marriage compared the part after is like comparing the first few months of the relationship to the months that follow. When you think about it, the reason isn’t far-fetched. We as humans tend to relax after getting what we want. The change after the first few months of being in the relationship most times is caused by the realization on the part of men that their woman is in love with them, so they relax. The flowers that crowd the lady’s table with sweet scents and cards with love poems then start making appearances occasionally with cards that just let her know who they were from. Breakfast in bed, becomes cook your own darn meals. But see ladies are fine with that, there are not fine with the fact that the niceties stop pouring down on them in torrents but they are ok because it hasn’t stopped raining yet. Marriage, they believe, sends them into a lifelong drought.

The fear of “The Change”, I must point out, is not unique to women, men suffer from this fear too. But it is not as profound in men in most cases as compared to women simply because of male superiority. We’ve all heard stories of women who had gone into marriage with the love of their lives and dreams of happily ever after only to be hit with a huge dose of reality, bad attitude and sometimes a couple of face changing blows. I think it is fair to say that stories like this are good enough to convince most women to push the thought of getting married further into their future.

When you skip the stories about the women who hastily or those who got married to a money bag that turned them into a punching bag and/or got cheated on, you are left with people who have no clue as to what else they did wrong than get married. For those who might say they didn’t pay enough attention during the relationship, do not forget that there are lots of men with untapped OSCAR award winning talent.

The way I see it, the best thing a woman can do to prevent her man from changing after marriage is to simply be the best version of herself and hope the man sees that and does the same.

For those who were brave enough to take the plunge and didn’t drown or hit their head and hearts on a rock, swim on you lucky fish, swim on.
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