Boyfriend of 5 years raped me, I told him to stop but he ignored me


Boyfriend of 5 years raped me 
The title says it all. this was a few months ago. both sober. clear "no" and "stop". I'm not sure how to proceed, or whether the relationship can be saved.

When we first got together we were 20/21 and since then have had bad consent practices. from the first time we had sex he went farther than I explicitly asked him to and he ignored my requests to stop. but I liked him, was lonely, and didn't know better so we kept daring. being only 21, he was terrible at sex. I was also on an antidepressant that made it impossible to orgasm, and so I basically got used to the idea that sex was bad and just something I had to put up with to be close to someone I liked.

It took a long learning curve of finally getting off medication, learning about my own sexuality, etc to finally be able to orgasm again and enjoy sex with him. he's very patient attentive and now sex is wonderful. and outside of the sexual part of our relationship, he's my best friend and we get along great. BUT the problem is he went too far again recently, after (so I thought) learning better, and I'm so hurt, bitter sad, and furious.

What happened: I always hated anal sex but one day offered to give it one last try. my boyfriend was ecstatic to try it but as usual, it hurt a lot (and yes, there was lube and deep breathing exercises involved). so I told him to stop. usually, what happens when I tell him to stop is he reassures me I'll get used to the feeling and he continues. this time it hurt badly, I told him clearly and loudly "no" and to "stop" and he continued. it hurt so much and I don't know why I guess I just froze up. I couldn't move or say anything and then he asked me what happened and if I was alright. but I felt paralyzed so I didn't move or respond and he decided to keep going until he finished. when he did I felt disgusted and ran to the bathroom to throw up. he was extremely apologetic and has been ever since. he cries, he says he's ashamed and guilty and it's the worst mistake he's ever made. I love him very much so I forgive him and try to work through my feelings but I don't know if I should even bother. I don't know if I should just leave him and never talk to him again. I feel so sad numb and broken down I don't think I even know what I want anymore or what would make me happy.

Sometimes I have good days, sometimes I have blah days where I'll sleep with my old teddy bear, sometimes I have days where I don't eat anything at all and scroll on my phone all day and cry all night. my boyfriend and I talk about this a lot I just want to know if anyone has been through something similar and I want to feel less alone. 
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