I really need someone to tell me I am going to be okay

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African woman single

I wake up everyday home alone, in a bed fit for 2. I just recently learned that my boyfriend of 2.5 years does not want to marry me or spend the rest of his life with me. I am convenient, to say the least, and it rips into me like I am not worthy of a man.

He told me he'd continue dating to me to see where it goes, but as far as he is concerned, I am a slob, who doesn't like to look pretty, and continuously mocks me. The thing that pisses me off more than anything, is that I have men asking me all the time and flirting with me.... I am almost 30s and there is no ring or kids so people are starting to look at me like I have 9 cats at home.

I am tall, pretty, well-spoken, an almost (Ph.D.), with a slim body. I weight 130-132 / 5'8. To him, I need to go to the gym and dress better.

When it comes to my family I feel like a complete outsider and no one cares about me. It hurts me to call up my sister and find her out with everyone else, and no one bothered to call me. I was a mere afterthought. Same thing with my brother. I just hate being in a group of people, they all talking about great times together, and I sit there with an artificial smile on my face pretending it's all comical, but really hurting inside as everyone builds memories and has a gleeful time. I hate seeing pictures and everyone completely content, and I am off to the side, passed off as if I have a "reject" sign on me.

The worst part is I've tried to get people to invite me places, go out, and generally be included. I've called and left several voicemails, I tried joking around to tell them how cool I am, and mainly, just tried to be a part of the conversation.... and nothing.

The worst part in all of this is I know I am worthy of someone's time and I have good skills and qualities, but no matter where I go and what I do..... which is always with humble and honest intent, someone either puts me down or passes me off. It's never a good response from anyone and I feel like no one would give a shit if I vanished. No one ever really thinks of me. No one calls me, asks to hang out or want to be around me. Am ONLY called when someone needs something. Nothing else.

So I sit here all of the time wondering what it would be like with a new family, boyfriend, and friends. I know I have good qualities. I know I am a good person, but as I get older, I see people's true colors, and I don't like any of it.

I really just want someone to tell me I am going to be okay and not to hurt anymore. I don't want to feel like this.

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