I would greatly appreciate any insight or advice on this situation


My boyfriend tore down my confidence, and I don't know what to do. Did I do something wrong or is he being over jealous?
Woman ready to party

I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for the past year and a half. We live across the country from one another, so we only see each other once every couple of months. Everything seems to be perfect, and we're planning on closing the gap within the next year or so.

For the past year, I've been coming out of my shell and trying to gain more confidence in myself. Most of the time I'm quite, a little shy and never go out to parties or clubs. I've always felt isolated and uncomfortable in those situations. Yet, last night I decided to go out with some friends to a dress up party. This is completely out of character for me, but I really wanted to push myself to experience something that I may have been uncomfortable with. My friends and I dressed up and one of my friends (a makeup artist) did my makeup. I know I wasn't wearing the most modest outfit but it was the first time that I actually saw myself as even a little attractive. I felt really good about myself. We went out to the party and met up with other friends. Everyone was so supportive of me as they all know I'm really shy and don't go out. This was the first time I actually had fun at a party. I let go of any feelings of self-consciousness and just danced with my friends.

As the evening came to a close, I felt super confident and decided to send a photo of myself to my boyfriend. Sending a photo to him is also out of character for me, but I thought he would appreciate it as it was one of the few times I put effort into how I looked. He often asks for sexy pictures of me, but I struggle sending them to him most of the time. He knew I was at a party, so it wasn't like I was going behind his back or lying to him. Everything was fine, but this morning I woke up to a message that caught me off guard. He all of a sudden started to accuse me of being bored with him and started going on about how I would leave him for someone else in the future. I called him and we talked about it. He said he didn't feel comfortable with me going out to parties as he wouldn't be there to have his eye on me in case something happened with another guy. I told him that I would never cheat on him. To do something like that would also be a betrayal of my own moral code. He has no reason to suspect me of cheating. I've done nothing to betray his trust, and this was the first time I went out this year. I don't even drink or do any drugs, so it's not like my thinking would be clouded in any way. He then told me he was uncomfortable with the way I dressed and said my makeup and clothes at the party were trashy and slutty. My self-confidence took a nosedive. I'm now starting to wonder if I've made a huge embarrassment of myself last night or if people were being genuine with their compliments. I told him that his jealousy was unwarranted and that I should be able to go out with my friends if I want to. He made the argument that I'm starting to change and become a party girl, and he knows I'll get together with another guy at a party. He's accusing me of this even though this is the first time this year I have gone out with my friends. I felt really conflicted because although he had hurt me with his comments, I could still see that he was emotionally vulnerable and felt alone and jealous. So I promised him that this was a one-off thing and I wouldn't go out again. He said he doesn't believe that I would keep that promise.

I really just need some guidance on this situation. Is this normal in a relationship? Is there any way that I could work with him so that we both find a happy medium? I'd really like women's perspective on this situation but if men also want to share their opinions, I would also appreciate it. All insight is valuable.

Thank you so much!
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