I'm in a stable relationship and we’ve just had a baby...but I’m secretly a lesbian

Also Read

African lesbians

So I’ve been with this guy for three years and we have recently had a baby together. We are so close and I’m so happy with my family but sexually, I am so unhappy. I’ve always been a closet lesbian. I came out to my dad when I was 16 and it went terribly so I just put it at the back of my mind and tried to have relationships with guys.

The first 4 years I was sexually active I only had sex with guys when I was steaming drunk. No kissing or anything intimate. Then I started having sex sober and it was honestly the worst thing ever. I could never understand girls who said sex was good or that they enjoyed it. For me, sex with a guy was just painful and horrible. I never ever got wet and just closed my eyes and fake moaned till it was over. I hated guys touching me and kissing me. I felt 0 emotion. But I knew I had to have sex with guys to be “normal”.

Then I ended up having a threesome with a guy and a girl. Omg!!! I loved every second with the girl. It was like everything I imagined. I got so wet and it was so smooth and amazing. It wasn’t painful and I wasn’t scared or insecure. Just pure enjoyment.

But there was no way I could have a relationship with a girl. It was too difficult. Too many problems. So I just focused on finding a guy and hoping I would change.

Now I’ve been with this guy for three years. Like I said, we are so happy. I love him and everything he is doing for our baby. But I just feel nothing in sex. Most the time he can’t even get in because I’m not wet at all and even when he does get in, it’s just so painful and I hate it. But I don’t want to lose my family so I just put up with it.

Ideally, I would love to be in a relationship with a girl and be with someone I am in love with as a person as well as sexually. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. But it’s too late now. I’m so happy I have my baby but I wish I had had the confidence to find a girlfriend before I got so far in this lie.

Previous Post Next Post