Letter to my boyfriend: I am sorry that I am never ever going to be good enough

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Fat African woman with boyfriend

I know every guy wants to have a hot girlfriend, and I’m sorry I can never be that for you. I’m sorry that you can never find me attractive unless I’m underweight. I’m sorry that the frequent trips to the hospital, my chronic constipation, and the distress my hypoglycemia gives me does not bother you, I’m sorry that all of that’s worth me looking the way you want me to. I’m sorry that you can never offer me food even while you’re eating it right in front of me because of course, I don’t deserve it. I’m sorry that I’m starving myself for you. I’m sorry that I am so sad all the time. I’m sorry that I can’t get sexually aroused anymore, I’m sorry that the idea of physical intimacy fills me with pure disgust. I’m sorry that I hate it when you touch me. I’m sorry that you have to judge me every time you see me. I’m sorry that me at a healthy weight is too “fat” for you. I’m sorry that sending DMs to models on Instagram is more enjoyable than asking me how my day was. I’m sorry that abs and fake boobs and photoshop are the epitome of beauty for you, and that I can never fit into that. I am sorry that I can’t ever be skinny enough, can’t ever have boobs big enough, can’t ever be pretty enough. I am sorry that I can’t be happy. The girls you look at and creep on seem to be happy all the time, I’m sorry I’m not all smiles and fun. I’m sorry that I cry myself to sleep every night, I’m sorry that I want to hurt myself every time I see my reflection the mirror. I’m sorry that you got so attached to me and you can’t leave me even though I am so unattractive in your eyes. I am sorry that I am never ever going to be good enough.

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