My open letter to my cheating husband

Happy woman with kid

I am sad that our life together is over. I truly loved you, I adored you. I supported you and respected you. You were the only thing I lived for. I realize now this was not healthy for either you or me. I didn’t make my own life, my own work, and other friends. You were enough. You were the only one I wanted to be with, forever. I wrote you an email recently and I mentioned that the night you had were drunk and slept with my friend was the worst night in my life. And it truly was. At the time it was a nightmare, and that thought devastated me. It also turned out to be the night I lost my best friend, my love, my husband. It was the night, my life as I knew it, ended.

Now I often feel like I’m living in some alternate universe, that somehow I slipped into Alice’s rabbit hole. This is what has happened since that night:

I found out that you cheated on me, And I have continued an intimate relationship with this person and exposed me to the possibility of getting AIDs or STD.

I found out that you felt it was ok to interact and try to hook up with other women even though we hadn’t legally separated and I had agreed to marriage counseling. You couldn’t even wait until you were out of the house.

I found out that you cheated on me with your ex-girlfriend when we were first going out.

I found out that you cheated on me when I was out of town with our first born child years ago.

These are not actions of a person who cares for another person and doesn’t want to hurt them.

You keep saying you do love and respect me. Is this how you treat someone you love and respect?

I have come to realize that the night you went out with my friend is going to end up being the best thing that could have happened to me. I was living a lie, you were living a lie. I am now free to live and be happy. And I will be happy. I hope to find someone will accept me as I am, flaws and all. I want to find someone who likes me and doesn’t feel as if my preferences and own desires are an insult to their life and a threat to their wellbeing. I won’t be ready to see anyone for a long time, I need to heal, and learn to trust again. But that’s ok, I think most healthy people when they end a relationship, need time to process and to disengage.

Someone recently told me that you were a toxic man-child. I’m being really mean by saying this I know. And I’m sorry. But this is me being hurt, so very hurt, and so very angry. I know you are also a lot of wonderful things, and I have said them all in the past, and they are all true. You tried so hard to make the marriage work, you supported me, you encouraged me, you put me through school. You never questioned anything I decided I wanted to do. I do believe, and I do know, you are a good person, as well as troubled, tortured. But I also believe you are a toxic man-child. And I can’t be around someone like this; it is not healthy for me.

I hope that you go to counseling and somehow find happiness because until you are happy with yourself you can’t be a good partner to anyone. And everyone deserves to be happy and your future partners deserve better than what you can deliver at the moment.

I am also concerned about your drinking problem, I don’t believe this is healthy for you and I worry about the effect this is having on you. Please, please think about talking to a professional about this, please, at least for your kids, if not for me. We all want to have you around for a long, long time. You are so important to so many people, so many people love and care for you.

I want you to know I forgive you for everything you’ve done, and now I am free, to be happy and to have a wonderful life, without you.
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