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Happy couple

This week marked the finalization of my divorce from my now ex-wife. We are both in our early 30s. Been together since the early 20s and married for 7 years.

We were best friends. Great roommates. Dead bedroom since the beginning. We would go a year without sex. Have sex a few times, and then go another year or so. The longest was almost 3 years. We have a child together under 5.

Last spring I reached my low. I just wanted to die. Thought about ending it, my life that is. Finally, after a few years lurking on this sub, I saw a post that made me finally confront the issue. She supposedly didn't like sex.

She didn't think it was a problem. We split. Went to two sessions of counseling. I lost almost all my friends. Started dating someone. Moved out. I went back to the therapist, but she wouldn't go with me. She got a bf and started having sex a month after we broke up. The therapist said she lied about how she felt about sex. All this time I thought she had a medical problem. Therapist broke character and said he was terribly sorry for me and that we never had a proper foundation for a relationship. Recommended me to push for divorce ASAP, stating that he rarely recommends that.

I was heartbroken. Even though I had started sleeping with someone else, I couldn't believe she'd been lying to me. She'd been out of love with me for years. I felt used. Hell, I was used. She cared for me, but not the way couples are supposed to care for each other.

6 months later, here I am.

The bad: My name is trash. I lost 90% of my friends because I was the one who left. I started seeing someone else first and my ex-trashed the hell out of my name. I didn't cheat, but people think I did. This seems to be standard in any divorce for the person leaving.

I'm broke but remained out of debt. The good news is because she didn't love me we were able to go through mediation for the divorce. No lawyers. It was very eerily civil. There was no passion, which made things easier.

I'm still dealing with the loss of my supposed soul mate. Facing reality hurts. Depression is real, but every day gets a little better. When I first left I was on top of the world. That emotion didn't last.

The good: My son is awesome. I still see him all the time. We still co-parent. I focus on him to keep me going through this.

I'm free. I can make my own decisions now. No longer controlled. No longer feel ugly or unwanted. There's an emptiness, but that's way better than the hate that had been growing.

I'm having sex with someone. Yay! This relationship has been very different from my last. I'm learning a lot. My partner is teaching me what true love is about. I feel confident that I can love again. It's definitely like starting over. Plus, I stand up for myself now. I fight for things. I don't let myself be controlled.

My parents and I are as close as we've ever been. They did not like my ex, they thought she was a sociopath. That's extreme, but their intuition was on point.

So, that's the deal. It wasn't easy. It wasn't pain-free. Leaving is very stressful. However, I am 100% confident that I made the right decision. I highly recommend marriage counseling, but in the end, take control of your life. My ex-has apologized to me. She knew exactly what the deal was the whole time. Don't be the victim, guys!

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