God! I'm just tired of waiting for my king

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I've been stuck with my ex-boyfriend that I recently just befriended again. His girlfriend doesn't like me, but I mean not a lot of girls would want their boyfriends to befriend their exes, especially in my generation.

He texts and calls me whenever he feels like it, instead of calling his girlfriend. To make matters worse, his girlfriend lives in the same residence hall, on the same floor, in the same corner, and two doors down from me. It's only going to be a matter of time until the three of us run into each other. I am trying to persuade myself that I am over him, I think I am because I was stuck on stupidly for this boy for four months. Blaming myself that I am the reason why we broke up.

I do not have the slightest clue why I am stuck with him, other than I thought he was perfect. He was 6'4, football player, smart, funny, and a genuinely sweet guy. He was everything off my checklist that I wanted in a husband. I think it's because I really want a relationship again.

I lied to myself again, it's because I have this really big fear of going through life alone without love. Without a husband.

But you know, whenever I tell my mom or sisters that, they always tell me that guys will come and God will send me my perfect man. Even though I am young, turning 19 years old this year, I am tired of waiting. Yet every guy in my generation is looking for a "friend with benefits" rather than a relationship. Even guys older than me see nothing more but a sexual relationship with me. (I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18, I've only had sex with one person and don't want to have sex again/won't have sex unless it's with my HUSBAND after our wedding day.)

Guys don't even date anymore! They "talk" to you, jump into a relationship, and 9 out of 10 times, the relationship fails! I am waiting for a guy that will treat me like a queen and I will treat him like a king.

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