I dream of looking in the mirror seeing this woman every day for the rest of my life


African woman

It was two years ago.

I can tell you exactly the day.

What I wore, how my hair was, what he wore...and the lie I told my boyfriend when I disappeared to spend the day with him. I was in love with him from the moment I saw him. I used to say we were just friends but I can't lie like that anymore. I was head over heels for him.

I ended an engagement to pursue him because I saw the passion in his eyes when he spoke of his dreams. I felt the pain in his voice when he confided about his past. More importantly, he understood me. He lived, breathed, and worshipped me.

Until one day, he changed.

I spent the next year of my life questioning what I had done wrong. Begging him to take me back, just give me one more chance so I can do better. I had become weak. I couldn't function without him. Hell, I couldn't even go grocery shopping without him.

I terrorized myself in my dreams and taunted myself when I was awake. Two times I convinced myself that no one loved me and I deserved to die. He didn't even care. He thought he was punishing me by ignoring me. Instead, it made me stronger. I could breathe again. And this time, oh boy, the tables turned.

He yearned for me because he saw my power. He heard my strength when I spoke of my goals. But this time, I am in love with me. I am figuring out what makes me happy. I can sleep at night. I eat whatever the hell I want. I am groveling at no one's feet but my own, and when I look in the mirror I see a woman that has no boundaries. I see a woman that fears nothing.

I used to dream of being the mother and wife that would have it all. I wanted the entire world to envy me. Now, all I dream of is looking in the mirror seeing this woman every day for the rest of my life. I used to say he broke me. He didn't break me. I broke me. But just as I snapped myself in half, I picked the pieces back up and put myself together so well that I can only cry tears of joy and rejoice when I think of how far I've come.

It's been 2 years. Two years of hell, pain, anguish, fights, name calling and more.

It's been 6 months. 6 months of new restaurants, new adventures, new stores, new discoveries of myself and self-love.

I love me. And in some strange way, I can only thank you for that.
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