I'm pregnant but my husband doesn't want a baby

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Pregnant woman

I am 30 years old and in a loving stable marriage with no children. My husband and I have discussed having children at length recently, as it's been on my mind quite a bit. He feels he is not ready yet (he's my age) as he doesn't want to give up his freedom or take on the responsibility. This may sound selfish (which he openly admits) but I understand his reasoning and actually agree with some of it. We agreed that two years was a realistic time frame and we'd think about having a baby then.

However, I found out the other day that I'm 5 weeks pregnant, which was completely unplanned. It's been a shock for both of us, as even though I do want a baby I don't feel entirely ready and I had got used to the idea of waiting a while. Despite this, I would 100% go through with it but my husband maintains that he really doesn't want a baby, and although he would never force me to have an abortion or leave me if I didn't, I know that it's what he wants me to do.

He says it has to be my decision, which I know is the right thing to do on his part, but I am really struggling to find the right answer. I don't feel I can talk to any friends or family about it as I don't think I could go through with an abortion if anyone knew - ultimately I guess I'm ashamed as I have no valid reason for not having the baby apart from selfish ones on mine and mainly my husband's part. We're happily married and stable financially.

From my side, I'd only consider it because I love my husband very much and our life together, and I don't want to force him into something he doesn't want. He'd come through and do the right thing by me and the baby, but I don't want him to have to make that choice and take on a life he made clear before that he doesn't want right now. I'm also worried it would affect our relationship. However on the flip side I'm worried that I'll end up resenting him if I do go ahead with an abortion, and am scared that this could be my only chance for a baby (this is irrational - but I'd never forgive myself if I struggled to get pregnant again when we are 'ready').

I'm sure people will judge me for this, which I understand and can accept, but I'm really just looking for any advice or support from someone who may have been a in a similar situation. I have to decide quickly as I'm definitely not going to be able to go through with an abortion once the baby is actually visible or I feel pregnant. Right now I feel totally normal which makes it even harder as it all feels so surreal.


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