Why should he get to enjoy his life and I must continue to suffer?

Woman dressing kid for school

Hello dears, please I would appreciate some advice on my marriage that has fast become a bed of thorns in my flesh. My husband has broken my heart a thousand times and treated me like garbage, but was I wrong to do this to him?

I have endured so much disrespect from my husband, he throws denigrating insults at me and gangs up with his nieces to talk me down. He cheats openly to my face and even brought in his mistress, who he claimed was a housemaid. He doesn’t care how I feel and when I try to tell him that he is hurting me, or advise him to stop, he would simply insult me.

My husband earns a salary of over 100K but refuses to give me money. He provides for the welfare of his kids and their feeding, but money for my personal upkeep, he has refused to provide. I have asked for money to buy food stuffs in the house, he has refused to give me, instead he would buy it and bring it in.

I feel that he takes pleasure in killing my dreams because anytime I want to start up a business or something, just so that I can have a little money of my own, he shuts it down. My friend and sister have been my source of income and support mainly. My sister helped me to start up a business.

We have sex periodically; once in a year, twice in a year, once in ten months. I am a Christian so I promised myself that I would not resort to cheating to satisfy my own urges. I am literarily dying in silence.

I do not want to walk out of the marriage because I fear that he might cut his children of their inheritance.

I have been in so much pain so I decided to break my depression by pretending to be a loose lady so that men can see me, get attracted to me and just maybe, I can find happiness. It worked. I met a man whom I didn’t know was married. He started liking me, bought for me so many things and gifts and eventually, we had sex.

My friend visited me last Sunday and commented on how happy I was. I took her into my room and showed her the gifts he bought for me. I have not had sex for so long and it felt so good. I was finally satisfied sexually.

My issue is, my friend has advised me to stay away from him because he is married. Truthfully, I do not wish for any woman to go through what I am going through. If I knew he was a married man, I would not have continued seeing him. She says that if I must date anyone, it should be a single man.

My husband doesn’t beat me, but he wounds me emotionally. I know it is wrong to cheat, but in my case, what should I have done? Why should he get to enjoy his life and I must continue to suffer?

Please advise me.
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