... but I admit, I am falling for him.


Woman blushing
I guess this might be as good a place as any to talk about. I just need to share somewhere how happy This Boy is making me.

I got out of an abusive relationship at the end of this year. I hate to call it that but am coming to terms with what it is. I met This Boy at a bar 1 month after my ex-moved out. He was two weeks out of a long-term live-in relationship himself. He pulled my roommate aside and told her I was the prettiest girl he’d seen all night and couldn’t believe he had met us at such a perfect time, etc. At the time I rolled my eyes a bit when she told me but I still thought he was so cute.

We hooked up the first night we met. Hung out a couple of times and two weeks later for our first ‘date’ went to a formal dressy event I needed a date for. Somehow his humor vibed with my total weird side amazingly. We barely knew each other but got drunk and danced all over the place which is one of my favorite things.

Two months of casual hanging out and he has already made me feel more special and pretty, and just warm than my ex ever did in 2 years.

I am having a hard time figuring out what I want because I am so fresh out of something crappy. I don’t want to be naive. When I finally got out of my relationship I told myself I was going to end this year single as a personal goal. Now the year is ending and in the last couple of weeks, I have only started to feel more and more infatuated.

He has casually dropped telling stories about me to his family/friends. We talked about resolutions and he brought up things we should do in 2018. Last night we went to his work after-hours and played Christmas music throughout on the speakers and just relaxed in his office before we’re both set to leave to visit family for Christmas. At one point I misheard him and said “What?” without thinking. He is usually so smooth and confident but blushed and mumbled: “I dunno I’m just nervous.” I think my heart melted.

The sexual chemistry we have is amazing. I’m somehow able to full-belly laugh at points and still feel sexy. I don’t think I have ever even used the phrase “I feel sexy” before that sentence.

Last night he asked me to tell him something he didn’t know about me yet. I told him I came in second place in my class spelling bee and he looked kinda confused and laughed and said “Wait really? Are you making fun of me?” From there we figured out we had this weird random fact in common with so many other stupid things.

The weirdest thing: Right out of my relationship my friend and I got tipsy and sort of jokingly made a list of things in my “soulmate”. I’ll be honest, a lot of them are kind of obscure and I felt ridiculous making such a demanding list at the time. But I met This Boy a week later and we have slowly realized that he checks off each item.

I am so confused at how something could be so easy. Even in the early stages of my last relationship, it was shady and difficult. But I can picture myself doing so many things with This Boy. It just has all felt so incredibly natural. I know I am probably vulnerable and being naive but it’s hard not to give into something that feels like a dang fairy tale. Even coming from a cynic who scoffs at goopy stuff like that.

The weirdest part through all of this is that I might actually be starting to like myself again. My last relationship tore me down. Some of my moments with This Boy have been the most confident I have felt in my life honestly. And even if this doesn’t end in as much of a fairy tale that it’s felt so far, I would be sad but ultimately so grateful that I’ve had someone so amazing here while I come out of this rut.
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