I thought she loved me, why would she hurt me like this?

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My girlfriend raped me on her birthday.

It was my girlfriend’s birthday two weeks ago. She asked me to wait in her room because she wanted to show me something. I waited patiently and she came out of the bathroom naked.

I was uncomfortable from the beginning, but it was her birthday and I didn’t want to ruin it for her. We started kissing and she tried initiating sex. I told her I didn’t want to do it yet because I wasn’t ready. She started crying and asked me why I wouldn't make love to her on her birthday. She was confused why I didn't want to lose my virginity to her.

I felt guilty. I hated seeing my girlfriend cry, especially on her birthday. I let her get on top of me. It was painful. She saw that I was crying. She kissed me and tried telling me everything would be okay. She only got off after I orgasmed.

I hid in her bathroom and started crying. I could hear her sobbing. She apologized profusely. She said "I'm sorry for hurting you." and that we'd never have sex again without my full consent. She reassured me it would never happen again.

I broke up with her over it, and it's been f*cking with my mental health for the last two weeks.

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