The mood swings never fail to amaze me

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Sometimes I feel like I'm actually going crazy just from how quickly my emotions can go from 0 to 100 and then back down to 0. I can be having a great day and be feeling good and then suddenly I get into what the folks call a 'crisis situation.' In which I cannot ever remember anything good ever happening in my life, despite the fact that something good may have happened that very same day. Then, I go on crying and gasping and heaving uncontrollably about how no one will ever love me/everyone hates me/I'm a failure, start thinking about doing things that will hurt me, or breaking/throwing away my belongings, drinking/doing similar things. 

I genuinely feel in those moments like I don't know how I'm going to live to see another day, it is so intense. It's like I, as a person, don't exist anymore and all that's there is all this extreme anguish. And then, maybe an hour or two later it's like someone flips a switch and the clouds have parted and the sun has finally started to shine after what seems like years. I feel almost completely fine, maybe even happy in some instances. And I can't even remember how it felt to be so upset like I just was merely 10 minutes ago. The only thing that remains is this pervasive underlying emptiness that never quite goes away. So then after one of my meltdowns, I'm thinking wow what the heck, that was embarrassing I'm so dramatic! Good thing I didn't try to end my life cos I'm completely fine now! Pleeease tell me I'm not the only one who is like this lol. 

I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes just with how quickly it can change and how extreme it is. Makes you feel so out of control.

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