This Christmas will be another sad one but I hope the new year is brighter.

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Sick kid

We’ve been together seven years and have a 1 year old daughter, who I have raised pretty much single handed in the box bedroom of my parents house. He has been difficult for a long time. We’ve broken up six or seven times. He can be very belittling and cruel. He has cheated and gaslighted me repeatedly, hit me and choked me in arguments and I took all of this and still went back to him. What’s different now is my daughter. I do not claim to be a saint but I know having my little girl changed me completely. She is the absolute light of my life and the reason I get up in the morning.

When I knew my relationship was doomed was last Christmas when she was in ICU with rotavirus and was put on oxygen because she couldn’t breathe independently. She was only released the day before Christmas Eve. It was very traumatic, but what made it worse is that he never came to the hospital. I was by her side every day and night in a strange city with no family around because this particular hospital was the only one with the equipment to take care of my daughter. I was exhausted and heartbroken and so scared. But I was so angry that he put himself first.

Six months ago, my sister helped us move into a huge house because I was still living in my parents box bedroom trying to raise a now very active toddler. He agreed to move in with me and my sister. But he didn’t act interested in anything. He didn’t help with the move or help with the shopping, just sat on his phone all the time.

As time went on it got worse. He started saying I forced him to live here, he’s trapped, I took away his life and friends, I’m crazy, he hates my family, etc. I get this all the time while I cook his meals, wash his clothes, look after our daughter, do the early mornings, clean the house and worry about the future. All he does is come home from work and sit on the PlayStation. The only time he acts interested in me is when he wants sex - and he can be very belittling and demanding about it.

He hasn’t gone shopping for any presents for Christmas for our daughter; I did it all. Tonight I had enough. I have no life of my own. I’m always depressed and so lonely. I have no friends and my family have expressed concerns for me. My parents have offered their box bedroom to me again and I’m afraid I’ll have to take them up on it. I wonder how my life went so wrong and how I could be so stupid. I wonder how you try to do the right thing and do everything you can for someone, and still lose.

This Christmas will be another sad one but I hope the new year is brighter. Thank you, admin, for letting me get this off my chest! I knew I had to leave him sometime but I finally did it. I told him he was a narcissistic asshole and I feel free - terrified, but free.

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