I am so scared that I lost the love of my life

I am so scared that I lost the love of my life

My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago. We had a tough relationship, although we both love each other dearly. The good times are the best, but the bad ones are tough. We are both strong headed and I think we are not very good at comforting each other when needed. In the beginning, I was the problem, but later on, it just felt like he gave up. He still gave it another half a year, but for some reason, we kept having little misunderstandings and miscommunication. He expected the worst of me, and I kept feeling less and less secure. So did he. Eventually, he ended up drinking a ton, going into a spiral, lost his job, and felt that I was never there for him, although he never told me what is the issue. The biggest issue, we did not each other comfort.

Now, that we are broken up, I cannot describe the pain I feel, I feel completely dead, the guilt for not doing my best, for not giving enough space and complaining, and I do not know if there is anything I can do to get him back, I know he loves me dearly too, but I get it now I should give him time to make his own decisions. I feel like collapsing and want some advice. I am so scared that I lost the love of my life, the most incredible and important person, I want to lie by his side and hide away with him. I don't know what to do😞 I'm completely dead.

Friends and family are very supportive, but, he was my family, I wanted him to be. what do I do now, is there any hope? should I try and talk to him? I know he would refuse, as he sees it as finished. I'm honestly dead.

Most important thing: Be nice to yourself. Go do that thing you've always wanted to do. If you can afford it, go to a sauna or a spa or whatever makes you feel good. If you don't have an eating disorder, then go get that food, that you are craving for. Or spend some time binge watching some show or playing video games or watching cat videos. Or just consciously take some time for yourself. Like take a long bath with candlelight or take a walk through the park. The important thing is to own it and to be aware, that you can be happy with yourself. You can do whatever you want. You don't have to justify it to anyone. This will also be important if you decide you want to get back with him when your head is clear. If you are more in tune with yourself, it will be much easier to approach him again and you can do so without feeling desperate about it.

The other part that is important is to accept your feelings. Whether you are angry or sad or disappointed or horny or whatever. It is important to accept that those feelings are there and that they will pass in time. This loops back to the first point "be nice to yourself". Don't punish yourself, for feeling something you think you shouldn't be feeling. It's ok to feel stuff. It's better to feel stuff than and then be able to say "been there felt that", rather than suppressing it and subconsciously acting on feelings, that aren't meant for the eternity.

Seek out support from your family and friends. And while you do that, avoid anyone or anything that is not supportive. I don't mean to say you shouldn't talk to people with differing opinions, but avoid those, that actively counteract the attempt to be nice to yourself. This is a time, when you might find support from people you never expected it from, so keep an open mind.

You won't be in this state forever. It will pass. And when it does, you can pick yourself up again and take on the challenges of life. But till then, take as much of a break as you can allow yourself to and process what's going on. You'll be able to make more sound decisions later and you will be able to stand by them as well.

I hope that helps. All the best!
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