Dating from another tribe

We are seeing more women take the risk of leaping into diverse cultures in search of love. Gone are the days when everyone at weddings looked the same, wore the same clothes or meals you recognized were served. Now it’s a different ball game.

You hear people say love is not ‘white’ or ‘black’ since the anatomy of our hearts is pretty much the same. A few women are even tired of the ethnic issues even within the country and have opted for love in the far-flung corners of the earth. Putting a lid on your options like the ‘tribe issue’ might end up putting a stop to going forward and even dating someone

A lot of people have moved on but can I talk to the host of others sadly struggling with doubts and fears about dating someone from another tribe. Are you still single and searching, who can tell maybe your partner is from another tribe but you’ve narrowed your search and no one still is coming?

When you want to buy a house, you select options like location, cost, house type, facilities provided, etc. If you aren’t keen on so many options and you just want a nice neighborhood, you’ll get a lot of options but if you insist it must be a 2-bed penthouse with a swimming pool and back garden in a nice neighborhood that doesn’t cost more than a million bucks, then you’ll get fewer options.

We are all haunted or inspired by our past whether you accept it or not. Think about it, if your parents were from different tribes and the marriage didn’t work, you’ll blame it on the difference in cultures but if they were from the same tribe and it worked you might think it was because of that and try to make your choices based on that pattern

There’s no guarantee that when one marries from the same tribe or not the marriage will be successful. I’m sure you know cases of either circumstance and can conclude it takes more than being from the same tribe to make a marriage work.

Don’t let your domineering or controlling parents influence your decisions, they won’t live your life for you or sort out the marriage issues and conflicts when they arise. Some people wanting to please their parents make sure they only bring home that guy who is from their tribe.

So, thinking of dating someone from another tribe? Then let’s talk, you’ll be glad you did because:

• You will begin to see life from another perspective: Depending on your background, you have known life to be one-sided, to work in a certain way, and then someone comes along with a different view on life and you can’t believe life could continue working outside your own box. Imagine a lady who goes to a particular salon or shop and then one day, someone says it cheaper over here or you’ll get better service here and then you make the switch.

• Your fears will finally be laid to rest: Life is a risk, so why not take it all in. we are conscious of the decisions we make because of our doubts and fears. Most fears we have or consider never become a reality but they often keep us behind instead of moving ahead. Finally, you can look back and be glad that whatever the fears were, they are unfounded. Some fears move across generations, now you can be at peace when our kids even bring someone home who’s from another tribe. You’ve been there so no big deal.

• You have a more balanced approach to resolve conflicts: Conflicts in relationships arise because one party expects the other party to understand the rules and live by them especially when both parties are from the same tribe. When you both are from different tribes, you tend to be more gracious, you give them more space to hurt and heal. Don’t your friends hurt you more? A stranger’s hurt will almost go unnoticed, that’s what happens when you both don’t share similar backgrounds.

• You lose your superiority complex: Some folks think they are more important than other tribes until they discover their handicap and what’s special about other people. When you date outside your tribe, you drop whatever sentiments you’ve always had about other tribes. If you thought everyone from a particular tribe acted or thought in a certain way, you will no longer judge but now agree there are a few exceptions that are different.

• You can pass on the core and unbiased values to your kids: Parents knowingly or not, pass on values to their kids. What you say isn’t as strong as what you do. The kids are watching and one day will follow in your footsteps. While you go shopping with them, attend parties or even while watching a movie, be very cautious of the general statements you make. It will be too late after those words are said to recall them and those words etched in their hearts and mind affect their own decisions for the rest of their lives.

• You will be more tolerant and patient as you both learn the ropes of your new cultures:When you have a new staff hired or some foreigner work on your team at work make a mistake or even repeat an error, you are more gracious and won’t condone this from national who should know the work culture. It may be that they do not speak or understand your language very well. Most people who date outside their tribes are much more tolerant and patient. You just find yourself giving them another chance. After all, you’re not perfect and they still manage to keep up with you.

• You might inspire someone to take a risk too: Maybe there’s a close friend, colleague or family relative who’s watching but still waiting for Mr. Right who might have come several times and passed by unnoticed because he wasn’t ‘speaking the same language’. Now they’ve seen you take the risk to date someone outside your tribe; they may now be encouraged to take that leap. Have you thought about your actions rubbing off on others positively?

…Till next time, keep shinning ladies…!
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