Matters of the Heart

Matters of the Heart

“Everybody wants to be loved but nobody really wants to and is willing to put their heart out there – take a risk at love and see how it goes.” That is what a friend told me recently.

While he is entitled to his opinion on love, I really did not share his sentiments of likening love to a business venture. And that is how we start relationships – with very wrong intentions and conceptions (Note: Relationships do not go wrong, they start wrong.)

I may sound a little like a broken record with phrases we have all heard of either from the good book, Bible or just some pamphlet you read in a beauty shop. Sometimes I will come out as your kindergarten teacher but trust me, these words speak to me more than the regular preacher.

At no point in your life should falling in love be a risk-taking venture. You are not getting into a business agreement with someone you are not sure about their credentials and/or dedication to the business, you are getting into an intimate relationship with a person you care for as much as they care for you.

Am picking my words and phrases intentionally and very carefully.

In a rare case that you get the notion that you are in love with someone you know very little about, don’t have much in common, and seems to be changing yourself just so you fit them, you are feeling something far from love. That’s when it becomes a risky venture. It is definitely bound to leave wounds in the short time you will be lying to yourself.

Love is an investment. You put your emotions, feelings, and vulnerabilities in someone else hands because you care for them as much as they care for you. I need to repeat that line because it is my experience that that is where we start wrong. It must never be a risk of, “I will put everything out there and hope they treat me well or reciprocate.” You don’t need to hope that they will be good for you, you must be sure that they are. Thus, train your heart.

My ideal relationship is one where the partners (another carefully chosen word) have the same level of commitment and feel towards each other almost similarly. While it can be hard to know when someone really feels about you the same way you feel about them, the signs are always there. Just don’t be blind to them and blame love on your ignorance.

Tread carefully. Nobody will ever warn you that they want to have a little fun with you and move on to their ideal partner when the right time comes. You gotta figure that out yourself. While it may take time to do that, it is the idea of falling in love or otherwise. Falling in love is a gradual process.

To quote Madea (Tyler Perry), “People come to your life for different reasons. There are those who come to teach you one vital lesson and leave – the seasonal people. Then there are those who are supposed to stay. You just have to figure out who is in your life to stay and who will be leaving soon.” Then and only then should you make that investment.

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