Do you suffer from a serious condition of refusing to accept
help? Do you find it hard to open your mouth and ask for help? Do you feel your
body tense up when someone dares to make your life easier because you are
thinking about how you will have to return the favor? If you said yes to any of
these questions, I am happy to announce that you are not alone.
In fact, there are categories to this phenomenon, One being
the kind person who helps everyone with their problems but can not ask anyone
for help. A second is a person who refuses help because they perceive it as a
weakness even if they are facing a serious problem.
Both categories of people are acting in response to their
beliefs, for some it stems from the fear that asking for or accepting help will
make others perceive them as weak. This is common in settings where emotions
that require you to lean on others are frowned upon. A certain pride is derived
from doing impossible tasks singlehandedly. Remember that time when you were in
the office and you had a lot on your desk or a lot going on at home but you
chose to do everything by yourself because you are a strong black woman? Sis,
there is no reward for suffering, please accept your limits and ask or accept
help.
Others are operating from the standpoint that they will have
to return the favor should they accept the help. Ladies, I know we have all had
instances when a certain gentleman tries to make our lives easier but the voice
at the back of your head keeps reminding you of the saying “Scratch my back and
I will scratch yours” so you quickly shut down his attempts. To be fair, there
are guys who will remind you of what they did for you to guilt trip you into
doing something but there are men who derive a certain joy from making your
life easier. These are heaven-sent angels and your refusal of their help will
hurt them more than you think. Ask God for discernment to know which category
the giver of help belongs to.
Others are scared that their ask for help will be rejected.
Years of doing everything successfully by yourself have effectively built up a
wall of “strength” and “capability” which is good but you have had moments when
your head hurt from all the planning, your health plummeted because you were
not taking care of your body and mind, your social life disappeared because you
are always being a superhero but at the end of the day, you are not super and
neither are you a hero. You are a human being and human beings have needs.
Don’t believe me, let us look at science, a brilliant scientist Abraham Harold
Maslow came up with a theory of the hierarchy of needs, and third from the
bottom is love and belonging which includes connection and relationships. Any
connection that requires you to put your health at risk is one that you need to
remove yourself from.
So I could talk forever about how you need to accept help
into your life but let me just leave these five steps to accepting help:-
1. Sit down and be honest with yourself that you need help
2. Identify why you do not want to accept help. It could be for any of the
above-mentioned reasons.3 Once identified, feel what you have to feel then counter
those thoughts with the relief and love you will feel once helped 4. Asking
might be hard so for a start accept help when offered even for something as
small as someone opening the door for you. 5. Practice asking for help from a
point of view of this being an opportunity to connect with a loved one.
Consider this a new adventure in life, an opportunity to
free yourself from the shackles of fear or past hurt and let help in.