You can play an important role in helping a friend,
co-worker, neighbor, or family member that is being abused by an intimate
partner or somebody they are dating. Learn the facts about domestic violence
and ways you can help or support a friend.
Domestic violence is a pattern of abuse in which one partner
in an intimate relationship attempts to take power and control over another.
Domestic violence can occur in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships,
and can happen to intimate partners who are married, living together, or
dating. It can happen to cisgender and transgender partners as well. Domestic
violence can take many forms, including physical, verbal, financial, and sexual
abuse. One in three women and one in four men experience domestic
violence in their lifetime. (http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_report2010-a.pdf).
For more statistics and facts about domestic violence, please visit http://www.thehotline.org/resources/statistics.
Recognizing the Signs of
Domestic Violence
Recognizing the signs of domestic violence is the first step
to intervention. If you notice any of the following signs, it could be an
indicator that your friend is in an abusive relationship. If they:
- Seem
to be under emotional distress, depressed, feeling self-doubt or shame
- Seem
isolated, unusually quiet, or anxious around family or friends
- Have
unexplained bruises and/or injuries
- Act
differently or strangely in social situations, at work, or at school
- Wear
unseasonable clothing, like long sleeves in the summer
- Give
explanations that don’t add up
- Are
often tardy or miss work or school, or frequently cancel plans
- Receive
disruptive and excessive phone calls, texts, emails, or frequent visits
from a partner
- Act
fearful around their partner
- Have a
partner who is emotionally abusive, and belittles and insults them in
front of other people
- Have a
partner who is extremely controlling (socially, financially, or over
appearance)
Listen and Remain Supportive. Tell your friend/family
member that you care and are willing to listen. Do not force them to talk about
anything they don’t want to talk about, but allow them to confide in you at
their own pace. Assure them that it is not their fault and they should never be
treated that way. Take your friend’s concerns seriously. Honor the need for
confidentiality unless there is immediate danger. Always respect their choices
and avoid judgement.
Focus on His/Her Strengths. Your friend or
family member has probably been continuously told by their abuser that s/he is
to blame for their abuse and may not feel very good about themselves. Your
friend will be in need of emotional support and a reminder that they are worth
it. Emphasize the fact that they deserve a life free from violence and remind
them of all of their valuable strengths and skills.
Connect to Resources. Guide your friend to
resources and encourage them to get help. There are many organizations that
provide free, confidential help.
Make a Plan. Help your friend figure out a way
to stay safe, whether or not they are ready to leave the relationship. Offer to
let your friend use your phone or computer if they are afraid of being tracked
by their abuser. Domestic violence advocates or hotlines can also be a good
resource for helping create this safety plan.
Take Action. If you sense that your friend is in
immediate danger, don’t be afraid to take action. Figure out with your friend
what works best in their situation and help them stay safe. Remember that
domestic violence is a crime and call 911 if you sense a threat of immediate
danger.
Consider taking a quiz
on how to help a friend in need. There are websites with quizzes and links for those affected by domestic violence, their
friends and family, and bystanders.
Call out a Friend/Family Member Who is Being Abusive. Unless there is an immediate threat to your health or safety by intervening with an abusive friend, tell them very clearly that his/her behavior is not okay. Be sure to let them know that you will be supportive of their efforts to change, but you will not support abusive behavior. Encourage them to get help, and be a role model for healthy relationships.
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