Why girls find it hard to say NO to SEX

Man ready to get laid
Almost every girl has difficulty in saying NO at some time and finds herself on a date having sexual contact when she doesn’t really want it.

There are lots of reasons why girls find it difficult to come out and say NO firmly, the most common being that they don’t want to hurt the boy’s feelings, or they’re afraid of being thought a prude.

Why I Never Say No to Sex… But probably should

The truth is, I don’t have the confidence to say no to sex. Let’s break down exactly what I mean. I don’t believe I would be attractive if I said no to sex. I don’t believe there’s any leeway when it comes to sex. My appeal to men is the easygoing, highly sexed female role. If I stopped being that person, my relationships would suffer. I’m sure of it.

I often envy the women (and men) who say no to sex

All the common reasons like, it’s been a long day, I’ve got a headache or I’m too tired, fill me with longing. What I would give to say, no I’m too tired today for sex and still be in the same relationship the next day…

Hearing stories of people who love and look after their partners even when they’ve not had sex for years brings me a deep sense of appreciation for such a loving situation. Sure, these relationships often end because we all have sexual needs, but just the fact a person is willing to wait faithfully for months, even years, makes me feel a whole lot of love.

The Women’s Health website describes what I am talking about as sexual coercion which is “unwanted sexual activity that happens when you are pressured, tricked, threatened, or forced in a nonphysical way. Coercion can make you think you owe sex to someone. It might be from someone who has power over you, like a teacher, landlord, or a boss. No person is ever required to have sex with someone else.”

“Coercion can make you think you owe sex to someone.”

I have, without a doubt, experienced this in the past in relationships and in unfortunate situations on nights out. However, I am now in a happy relationship where my partner (as any normal person would) happily accepts whether I want to have sex or not.

However, there’s something in my mind still telling me otherwise. My instinctive choice would always be to suck it up and have sex no matter how tired, stressed or not-in-the-mood I was. When I take time to think about it, I have a few key reasons.

Keeping my man satisfied

As much as I know my partner would stick with me for years if I didn’t or couldn’t have sex, I still don’t think there’s room for too many nos when it comes to sex in a relationship. Surely, if a person doesn’t have sex or gets rejected too many times they will look elsewhere?

While it’s old fashioned, I would rather say yes to sex and know that my partner is happy, than risk too many nos. However, I believe this is a perfect example of, it’s not you, it’s me. I’m still learning that my relationship is a safe place, where I truly can say how I feel.

No matter how supportive people around you are, it may take you a while to fully realize your own self-worth and learn it really is safe to say no. No one is going to abandon you because you were too tired for sex.

Being incapable of saying no

This brings me nicely onto the challenge of saying no. For some people, saying no is the ultimate trail.

“We have an instinctive need for connection to other people — it’s essential to our survival. We worry that saying no will break these bonds,” says Vanessa Bohns, Ph.D., a professor of organizational behavior at Cornell University. Specifically, we fear that the other person will feel rejected or take it as a personal affront. Saying no stirs up intensely negative emotions — embarrassment and guilt. To avoid those feelings, we often say yes even when it goes against our ethics.”

This is definitely true for me. I hate the abruptness of saying no. It ends all conversations, can deeply hurt a person if they’ve put themselves out there and it doesn’t make anyone feel good. However, as much as I love saying yes and keeping the natural flow of a conversation or a seduction plan going, I have learned that saying no hurts less than a fake yes.

A fake yes means your partner doesn’t know what you’re thinking. How can they know you don’t want to have sex if you don’t tell them? Or you don’t like something during sex? Nodding your head along may seem like the easiest option at the time but in the long term, it leads to a lot of trouble, heartache and confusion on both sides.

Possessing a sky-high sex drive

This is probably the healthiest reason of them all for me. Because the truth is, now there’s no pressure for me to say yes, I find myself still saying yes. And I like that. I’ll happily say yes when I’m tired or have a headache because I know just how much pleasure having sex brings me.

There’s the amazing orgasm, but there’s also the intimacy, the sensation of skin on skin, the minutes of high-level pleasure before orgasm and the deep bliss of exhaustion after an intense climax which makes me sleep better than any tea, hot bath or meditation session can.

I love having sex. And I know that when I don’t feel like it, the best thing to do is to have sex. Even a headache can be elevated with a deep sex session.

So, while there are some underlying unhealthy mental issues for me, such as low self-worth and some bad past experiences, there’s also a lot of healthy enthusiasm and deep pleasure in my refusal to say no when it comes to sex.

I’m still learning

And as my relationships in all areas of my life improve, I understand that I own the rights to my body, my pleasure and myself. I can say no whenever I like. Sure, it takes practice, but just knowing I can do it has already increased my confidence.

As for self-worth, I believe all you can do is look after yourself, create a life that makes you happy with people who support you, and slowly over time your self-worth will increase to a level you could only dream of before. You will wake up one day as the strong, confident and empowered person you always wanted to be.

So, keep true to yourself, stick with people who make you feel good and always no, you have the right and the power to say no whenever you want to.

Final Word

Some girls worry that they’re not going along with what other girls appear to be doing. With all these pressures, it takes a brave and strong girl to say NO, but you must say it if that’s what you feel. If your boyfriend really cares about you, he’ll agree. On the other hand, you’ll lose a lot of self-respect if you say YES when really you mean NO.

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