Couples, NEVER neglect your sexual-life thinking it is no big deal!

Couples not talking to each other
It is no news that a large number of break-ups, separation, and divorces are sex-related – either directly or indirectly. No sex or poor sex affects virtually every part of the love-life and could, directly or indirectly, lead to the other causes of separation or divorce. No sex or poor sex could lead to cheating and infidelity; poor communication and commitment; reduced affection, passion, intimacy and romance; and so on.

Great regular sex reduces (even though it cannot completely stop) the chances of cheating and sexual infidelity. It also improves fertility and chances of having children (which is a major issue for African relationships).

Below are some of the reasons most couples have a poor sex-life

• Low libido or lack of interest in sex (just doing it as a duty or to please the other partner).

• Premature ejaculation, weak erection, lack of orgasms, painful sex, and other sexual problems.

• Withholding sex or depriving a partner of sex for whatever reason e.g as a means of punishment or to get some attention

• Repetitive, predictable, “dry”, non-exciting, non-adventurous sex. 

• Infrequent sex. Like going months without sex and having sex just for procreation (to make babies). 

Sexual intimacy is an important aspect – if not the most important aspect — like the engine-room — of any marital relationship. It functions beyond mere pleasure – it connects at all levels of our being: physical, mental, emotional, and so on. Good sex may not fix a marriage at the brink of divorce, but it can definitely prevent it from getting to that breaking point. It is like a lubricant, an engine-oil, that makes the smooth running of the relationship and makes it easy to manage challenges, overcome differences, and solve problems.

The Way Forward

Don’t just neglect your sex life thinking it is no big deal! Hmmm… my friend, it is a big deal o! I have seen. I have heard. I have worked with many clients and patients – sex is a big deal! Don’t ignore any challenge you are having in the bedroom. Do something about it; because it won’t just go away on its own.

As I always tell my clients in my sex therapy sessions, sex shouldn’t be good – it should be great. Great sex is not repetitive; it is dynamic, adventurous, and evolving. It involves trying out new, fresh ideas to constantly remove boredom and predictability and infuse fun and adventures. There is prolonged foreplay, multiple orgasms, and mutual satisfaction. If this is the habit of your love life, several problems will just dissolve, spontaneously.

And, don’t go around talking about your private lives, with friends, families, and church members. They usually do more harm than good. Instead, talk to a professional – marriage therapist, sex therapist, relationship expert, marriage counselors, and so on. Most religious leaders have little to contribute to the sex aspect of relationships and marriages.
Geoffrey Nevine — IT Services and IT Consulting

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