Wow! One night and at least twenty-eight days of fear, anxiety sleepless nights.

Ok so…imagine this, he’s handsome, successful, and seems like he is so into you. For the past few weeks or even months you have been talking on the phone, flirting lots and he says he really likes you. You’ve been on a few dates and he may have even introduced you to a few of his friends. Thank God! At long last cupid finally has your file on his desk, girl!

It’s Friday night and you and your new boo have plans to be together. That hot dress you have been saving for ‘the right time’ is going to get worn tonight! Last glance in the mirror and ‘mehn’ you do look hot! Irresistible even!! Your date has called to say he is on your street and will pick you up in a few seconds and he just can’t wait to see you! You know it and he knows it too… tonight is the night. As you walk out of your house to start the date you remember the condoms that have been ‘jonzing’ in your bedside drawer for the past few months but you think to yourself, ‘Nah … what will he think of me if I bring my own condoms?’

It ends up being a really fun night, dinner followed by clubbing at the latest spot in town. You danced the night away with your new man especially when Michael Jackson’s ‘You rock my world’ song came on. He held your hand, showed you lots of PDA, and did not ‘code’ the fact he was with you. You think to yourself ‘For sure he is a keeper!’ A few hours later you are at his place and it’s time to take things to the ‘next level’. Lots of kissing, touching, and heavy petting and now you are ready to go all the way but … Err… he’s just not into condoms! Here are a few excuses he reeled off as he kissed you more passionately,

“… you are my girl. I don’t want anything barriers with you”
“… I just got tested, I’m clean, don’t worry”
“… I really want to feel you”
“…I will pull out”
“I know what I am doing …do you think I don’t value my life”
“..I trust you”

He seems so confident, so convincing, and smells so good. His flat is clean and there are no tale-tell signs of other girls in his life. You think to yourself ‘I better stop dulling and bag this guy…’, so you give-in and inhale his scent and all.

It’s shocking to think that in 2019 with all the information out there about STD’s and the lot that any girl would agree to have unprotected sex, but it happens.

So now… figure this out, it’s the morning or even afternoon after and your date is now officially over. It was a fun night but the anxieties of unprotected sex are proving to be a killjoy! Fears of STDs and unwanted pregnancy races through your mind. You can’t think straight and you can’t even tell anyone what the heck is wrong with you because you knew better but did less. Oh dear, it’s even turned out to be more trouble than it was worth. Quick drive to the pharmacy to buy the morning-after-pill. Shock horror you had no idea this date would cost you this much (and it was meant to be his treat!) $1 out of pocket expense for the morning-after-pill is not so bad but when you add the sleepless night you are going to suffer because you have to wake up at 2.35 a.m. precisely to take the second morning after pill it’s a lot of bother that you would rather have avoided.

It’s been a week since that night and you can’t get your mind off the monsters that come with unprotected sex. Your Internet log shows that you have visited every website known to man via search entries like ‘early symptoms of HIV/AIDS', ‘early signs of pregnancy', ‘how reliable is the morning-after-pill’ and not to mention ‘what to do when he stops calling’ (but that’s another matter).

Two weeks on, you are still on edge, and Google and Bing are still your closest confidants still searching for clues on the internet to see if you are pregnant or have caught an STD. Oh hell! What’s the point you are going the take the bull by the horns…you stop by the pharmacy on your way home from work. $1 for a home pregnancy test kit, about $5 for a home HIV/AIDS test, and another $5 for Chlamydia home test. Oh gosh, how did a free date end up costing you 1K! Did the actual date even cost him this much?!

Three weeks post ‘steamy night’, The period has turned to be like winning American green card Lottery! The more you seek – the less you find! To make matters worse your research skills on the internet have belittled your confidence in the home STD tests. Apparently, it takes at least twelve weeks since the last sexual encounter to realize if a sexual disease has been transmitted.

Almost four weeks – if your period does not turn up this week you are done! So you go spiritually! Jesus is the answer! You become prayerful like a pastor’s wife and going to every deliverance service you hear of in town!

Wow! One night and at least twenty-eight days of fear, anxiety sleepless nights. The cost of one careless night has a minimum cost of approximately $300 if you get lucky, at least $200 if you get pregnant but don’t progress with it, nothing less than $1000 to just carry the baby to term and you can imagine how much more once the baby is born but this is nothing compared to the cost of treating an STD like HIV/AIDS for life! Avoid AIDS with condoms as well as so much emotional and financial stress! The basic cost of HIV treatment in developing countries is approximately $20 for a pack of anti-retroviral treatment. Now imagine having to be on that treatment and other suppliant drugs for the rest of your life. It add upright? The cost of a condom…. $1 max! Except if you are partial to the Louis Vuitton condom brand which is $68 and still way cheaper than the cost of not using one!

Final Word

If you can be patient and only have sex with individuals that you have come to know and trust, your chances of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections are drastically reduced.

Using a condom during sex may be a compromise for you. It may not feel quite as good as condom-free sex, but delaying gratification here could make a huge difference in your life. If you wait until you and your partner have been tested for HIV and have discussed your sexual histories with one another before you go condom-free, it can make it a more significant and intimate experience for both of you. Patience may be a virtue, but it also has some serious benefits. Being impatient can ruin everything – anyone who has ever opened the oven door prematurely during a cake bake-off will be able to tell you so.

Geoffrey Nevine — IT Services and IT Consulting

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